Sunday, April 19, 2009

Why I don't Tweet:
I won't help Ashton Kutcher Destroy America

Ashton Kutcher recently set a milestone by being the first person with one million followers on the system. I'll be honest, I just don't get the attraction of Twitter. No offense, but I don't care what you're doing right now. As to what I'm doing right now: piss off. It's none of your business, and you've got better things to do with your time.

Not that I'm a purist about not wasting time. I do have a blog after all. I just don't need any more help. Look at the math.

If 1 million people spend 5 minutes a day following Ashton Kutcher that's almost two billion minutes worth of Ashtoneering.

1 000 000 x 5 x 365.25 = 1,826,250,000

Let's convert this to person-years, shall we using the conversion function of Google:

1826250000 minutes = 3,472.29639 years

Let's divide that into lifetimes: 3772.29 / 75 (average lifespan) = 46.3 person/lives being spent wasted by Ashton Kutcher each year. It's not fair. If the average person killed 46 (point 3) people, he'd get the electric chair. Ashton gets Demi Moore.

Let's look at another way, let's say that 1/2 of the time spent on Ashton Kutcher is spent at work when the person should be doing something else. How much productivity is being lost solely due to Ashton Kutcher?

1826250000 minutes / 60 minutes in an hour = 30,437,500 each year wasted by Ashton K.

(30,437,500 hours /2) * $25.00 per hour = $380,468,750 in lost productivity every year due to Ashton Kutcher.
Maybe we can turn this around though. Maybe we can make it work for us. We can create a new unit of money. Let's call it the Ashton unit. We'll take the $380,468,750 of productivity that is wasted on Ashton Kutcher each year and make that 1 Ashton-unit. Let's say we want to justify a bailout of GM. $17 billion sounds like a lot of money, but in terms of Ashton-units, it's really only 44.6 AU. It's quite cheap when you think of it that way.

The bottom line: I refuse to join Twitter. If I wanted to waste hours on Ashton Kutcher, I'd watch Dude, Where's My Car? on (again).

And now, on the topic of leaders & followers, it's time for our marginally relevant Youtube clip of the day - what a surprise - another Monty Python clip. Who'da thunk?

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