Wednesday, November 11, 2009


Your intrepid reporter has put the pieces together for the bombshell story of the week, the month, the year. CNN anchorman Lou Dobbs will replace Steven Tyler as the lead singer of Aerosmith. Earlier this week, Steven Tyler dropped hints that he was leaving Aerosmith indefinitely to focus on solo projects (projects like meeting an important connection two or three times a day). Tyler tried to defuse the rumors by making a surprise appearance on stage with fellow "toxic twin" Joe Perry in Perry's side band, The Joe Perry Project, but Perry did not accept Tyler with open arms.

The real story came into focus today when CNN Anchorman and Aricept(tm) semisuccessstory, Lou Dobbs made a surprise announcement that he is retiring from CNN effective immediately. Initially there was speculation that Dobbs' immediate departure was due to a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to use his vast expertise on the subject of birth certificates by taking a position with the vital records department of the State of Hawaii. Within the last hour, the story has come into sharp focus. Perry and the rest of the band is looking for an experienced frontman, one that could make a fool out of himself without falling off the stage and has at least 25% of his braincells left. Lou Dobbs fits these minimum qualifications -- barely, but he fits them. At first the band was concerned because Dobbs is 3 years older than Tyler, but he has fewer miles and his own microphone.

Photo credits: Dobbs, From the Left Blog. Tyler, Both used without explicit denial of permission.

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