AFSCME 3357-HOF'S BLOG

From the "You're doin' a hell of a job Mikey" file:
Secretary of Education is Left Behind on Jeopardy

It's back to school time, and my wife and I once again confront the waste and bullshit that are the defining elements of the No Child Left Behind Act. NCLB is touted by some as the greatest success of the Bush administration. I suppose everything is relative.

George W. Bush's Secretary of Education, Margaret Spellings, once defended the No Child Left Behind Act as a break from the "soft bigotry of low expectations." I don't think it's too much to expect therefore, that the same Secretary would uphold the honor of her position and administration by showing a certain level of knowledge and acuity as a contestant on Celebrity Jeopardy. Oops, I forgot that this is the administration of Michael Brown and Alberto Gonzalez. Oops, I also forgot that this is the same person whom Bush picked to be a principal architect of NCLB even though her official biography features no teaching experience, no education degree, and no advanced degree whatsoever.

It was with some satisfaction then, my family watched a repeat of a Celebrity Jeopardy episode that originally aired last November. In this match, Margaret Spellings was opposed by actor Hill Harper of CSI New York and actor Michael McKean. Michael McKean is best known as "Lenny" from Laverne and Shirley and as Spinal Tap member David St. Hubbins. From this competition, one wouldn't think that Madam Secretary was overmatched. After all, we're not talking about Ken Jennings here. That being said, if you did a bit of research, you'd find that Spellings' biography features a B.S. in Political Science from the University of Houston (average SAT score 1054), whereas McKean attended Carnegie Mellon University (average SAT score 1380). Hill Harper's undergraduate degree is from Brown University, and his graduate degree is from Harvard.

From the beginning of the match, it was clear that Spellings walked into a buzzsaw named McKean. When the cutting was done, the only part that wasn't bloody was the soles of the Secretary's feet. Secretary Spellings spent much of the initial Jeopardy round in negative numbers as Michael McKean easily handled the easier than normal Jeopardy answers/questions. In Double Jeopardy, it was clear that McKean was going easy on his fellow contestants and pausing before his responses. Nevertheless, McKean had an insurmountable lead going into Final Jeopardy. The final score was McKean $47,200, Spellings $11,200, and Harper $6,800.

I understand that this year, the Jeopardy producers will feature another cabinet member on this fall's Celebrity Jeopardy tournament, but they will take steps to guard against another rout. Secretary of State Condi Rice will go against Elmo from Sesame Street, and a ripe melon. It should be a nail-biter.